I am convinsed if I was to write my memoir right now it would be titled Always Running Around Like a Chicken with my Head Cut Off. Or at least that seems to be my consit state anymore. Last week we had the kids all week while their mom was with their dad in Paris and London and I don’t mean Kentucky! It was a week of firsts for me and an eye opening experience, that’s for sure. It made me realize I am glad I am just “auntie”, I am not ready to have kids of my own that is certin. I like sleep and my free time way too much. I like going to the potty and taking a shower in peace. I like reading but not the same children’s book everynight. I never thought I would say this but I am tired of Peter Rabbit. I am glad to have my life back to normal this week. I still love those kids but some distance between us is a good thing. I almost forgot to mention it is a little embarising when the two year old takes her clothes off in Kmart and you have to walk her out wearing just her diaper because she refuses to put her clothes back on.
One month from today is my 30th Birthday. I only have one month left of my twenties. Wow, that is a little strange to say! As I prepare for my thirtieth Birthday I have been contemplating a few things. The most important is, I’m going to make my thirtieth year worth it. It’s going to be a year of much-needed change. I hope by this time next year I am a different person inside and out. This Southern Belle has been living under a magnolia tree and it’s time to come out and start smelling those magnolias. It’s time to take life by the horns.
Two weeks ago an Anniversary passed without a passing glance. It was not a Wedding Anniversary or a Dating Anniversary or even a Work Anniversary. It was the Anniversary of the death of someone I loved. My Aunt and friend. I can’t believe it has been nine years now since she left us. So much has changed in those 9 years. She has 2 granddaughters now and a grandson on the way. She has two wonderful daughter-in-laws. I see her smile every time I look at the four year old’s smile. Every time the eleven year old does something to make us laugh I know my Aunt would have just eaten it up. She’s her step-granddaughter but she would not have let that four letter world change the way she felt about her. The girls going to Disney for the first time together would have been the icing on the cake for my Aunt. It brought a tear to my eye. I miss her everyday but the pain in less then that day in October 2004.
In three months I am going to be thirty. That’s right this Southern Belle is turning the Big Three-O. That dreaded word! The age that at one point in my life I thought was old. Now at 29 it’s just another number and 60 is old. I’m going to embrace 30; my motto is going to be “Flirty Thirty”. Are there things I would change about my life? Yes. Are there things I would do or say differently? Yes. Are there people I have met along the way that I would give up? No. I have a lot of great people in my life that I can’t imagine my life without. Am I where I thought I would be by the time I was 30? Of course not, far from it. I was going to be married to a NASCAR driver and own my own magazine, not single still and working at a job that really has no room for growth. North Carolina was going to be my home not Kentucky still. I was going to be rich not living paycheck to paycheck. For 32 weekends a year I was going to be in a different state every week. Not sitting at home waiting for my next vacation to get out-of-town. My weeks were going to be spent at charity events and photo shoots not at home board out of my mind. My winters were going to include fun in the sun and sand not snow and cold. I was going to live my life at 200 miles per hour not 20 miles per hour. When you are 19 going on 20 you are filled with dreams and wild ideas. When you are 29 going on 30 you are filled with reality and a hope for a better tomorrow.
I have been watching “Hart of Dixie” on Netflix, and I love it. I love all the characters and the quirkiness of the town. I’m loving the town of Blue Bell, AL. All the parades, concerts, plays, and parties they put on. There is some kind of town event for each holiday and even some town holidays. I just have one thing to say that when the show ends Zoe better end up with George or I am not going to be a happy fan. I love her and George together! I know her and Wade have sparks but the sparks between her and George are so much more intense. Zoe and George forever!
I have decided I do not take enough time for me. I try to work a full-time job, a part-time job, and write as much as I can. I’m searching for my career, my Mr. Right, and sometimes I think even my sanity. I need a “me” day to unwind and not think about any of these things. I want to be one of those people at Starbucks on their computer for a few hours working and drinking coffee, my writing sure could use it. I want to go to the aquarium or museum by myself and just look because I can. I want to read my book in the middle of the day and not just a few pages at lunch, I mean chapter upon chapters. I need to plan a “me” day real soon!
As someone who has felt the wind on her check at the Wright Brothers Memorial. Who has seen the beauty of the Grand Tetons. Who has watched in awe as Old Faithful erupted at Yellowstone. Who has looked into the carved eyes of Washington, Lincoln, Roosevelt, and Jefferson at Mount Rushmore. Who has driven into the depths of the Badlands. Who has spent a lazy summer day in the Great Smokey Mountains. It saddens me deeply that these great treasures we know as our National Parks and Memorials are closed right now and others cannot take in their beauty too.